The Road Less Travelled

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The Road Less Travelled

I have a confession to make. For most of my life, even in the face of the greatest glory or breathtaking beauty I’ve had this nagging thought; “Is this all there is?” It’s all very nice here on this planet if you squint real hard and overlook a lot, but how can people be so in love with this place? Yes, I’ve been memorized by watching dolphins play with my sweet daughter, I’ve been awestruck by the majesty of a bald eagle swooping so close I could see her fierce eyes. I’ve been brought to tears by love and connection. I do see the beauty and wonder of the world…and in the quiet of my small, innocent heart, I question if all this majesty, all this wonder can actually make up for the unending sorrow, pain, injustice, and hatred I see happening all over the world and in my own back yard. My heart was broken long ago. As a 7 year old really grappling with why Woodsey the Owl would have to even ask us to “Give a hoot and don’t pollute.” I wondered why the adults of this odd planet had not gotten a handle on pollution by now; it was the 1970’s after all. My heart was broken in my own home as I saw a family torn apart by rage, fear and violence. And even throughout my lifelong inner work, as I understood more and more of human tragedy, I quietly questioned those overly positive thinkers who focused on gratitude and the good in this world. I wondered if they had a different brain than I, if they just didn’t see the overwhelming collective grief that seemed to surround me. And I pressed on, wondering if my feeble attempts at seeing the good were enough.
And today, as I did my commitment to serve my spiritual awakening, I began to contemplate the maturity of awakening. Maturity…such a big word. The maturity of a parent who allows their child to eat first even when they are exhausted and starving. The maturity of a teacher who encourages the student 1000 times. The maturity of a sequoia tree who bends with the wind without a fight. And I heard the words “Awakening answers and resolves nothing. Awakening simply makes it okay to be nothing, to want nothing.” I contemplated. I’ve matured the most when I became a parent. It starts with a bang as I sacrificed sleep and sanity to keep my baby fed. Maturity as spiritual awakening. Can I surrender this unending WANT, this insatiable NEED for more? Even if the more I desire is spiritual? Can I be okay being and wanting nothing? My fight for survival perks up…and I breathe…and contemplate. Millions of people want spiritual enlightenment, but what if it’s not what we thought it would be? What if it is actually peace while being and wanting nothing? The inner awareness of my highest truth finds that to be accurate. Why do we need the diagnosis of death to actually experience the gift of life? Maybe enlightenment, awakening is maturity. The maturity to sit with what is in front of me now, without that insatiable urge to change it. The maturity to allow my desires and emotions to crash against the rocks of what is and know I will never drown. The maturity to love myself even as I hate my situation. The maturity to encourage myself 1000×1000 times before I succeed. To nourish myself with the goodness of this world when I’m exhausted and starving.
And if I had nothing to want and nowhere to be…THIS would be an incredible gift. Perhaps this is Awake.

By | 2016-12-02T13:11:03-07:00 December 2nd, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

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